Tuesday, February 4, 2014
How I Learned to Feel Undesirable
A friend just linked me to an NPR article "How I Learned to Feel Undesirable," which I felt would be appreciated on this blog. The article deals with an Asian man's perceptions of himself with regards to attractiveness. It is truly a heart-breaking account. In the contexts of race and sexuality, this pertains to our previous discussions on what (read: who) is considered "normal," how othered individuals internalize negative stereotypes, and how we live in a culture that, in light of controlled heteronormativity, promotes a necessity for exaggerated sexual dimorphisms in order to "belong" or feel attractive. Examples of that last point include (but are not limited to) requiring females to stay skinny and unmuscular while requiring men to "bulk-up," requiring females to have long hair while men have short hair, requiring women to wear make-up while men should never do so, requiring females to shave all body hair while requiring men to be hairy, and controlling the pitch of an individual's voice as is typically associated with his/her gender. Yes, the requirements in these examples are no longer hard and fast rules in the modern day but still are the dominant ideologies.
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Wow! What an article and from an attractive man! It's heart-breaking to hear him talk about this. He says: "[My wife] tells me that she finds me attractive. It breaks her heart that I won't believe her. It breaks mine that I can't." I am a psychology major and am currently taking a Psychological Disorders class. We recently discussed obsessive-compulsive and related disorders. One disorder that we don't often hear about in day-to-day life is body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), a new disorder to the DSM-5 (the manual for psychological diagnoses). BDD is characterized by a preoccupation with imagined defects in appearance or excessive concern with slight defects if they exist. It is estimated that 5 to 15% of the population suffer from BDD. While I do not claim to be a diagnostic professional, it sounds like Noah is displaying some related tendencies. Noah probably wouldn't be diagnosed with BDD because he does not show evidence of severe impairment (e.g. he is married to someone who believes he is attractive); however, this does raise some interesting questions.
ReplyDeleteIn high school, I remember a (white, female) friend saying that this man "would be attractive if he were white." I've grown up in the Bible Belt, making the comment a little less perplexing, but it still bothered me. The man was attractive - as a black man. Attractiveness is weird. It's something that we all stress about being and look for in other people - while being told that what's on the inside is what really matters… With an increase in interracial couples, maybe some of these ideas are fading, but it's hard not to take a double look when we see an interracial couple. Why is this so? Because it is out of the norm. And why did my friend not see this man as attractive for who he is? Because it was out of the norm for her to think he was… I know my grandfather would not be happy if I brought home a black man (even if we might - he was adopted - have some African American ancestors), but my mother and father have made it clear that skin color does not dictate love. We're making progress, but we have a long way to go...